I can't bring myself to regret the decision of quitting my job as a teacher. I hate it and I have come to realize that if you don't feel good doing something, then don't do it. It's as simple as that. It's gotten really bad lately and I can't stand dealing wih the kids. I can't handle them. And for that kind of money it's really not worth it. What am I even doing? I'm 23 and instead of living life to the fullest, I'm doing things ppl a lot older than me and married with kids do. I knew I'd suffocate and I have.
 I just read a book written by and about Pattie Boyd and it's great. I'm also reading another great book but I won't mention the title bc I promised myself it would be my secret weapon in dealing with certain things.
 I'm still struggling with a lot of personal issues connected with self- confidence, beliefs, values etc. I'm figuring out a lot of stuff and it's all good. I'm fighting for confidence and have become a lot less insecure even though it's just the beginning.
 I'm visiting Chris in less than 2 months and I cannot wait but something in me has changed and I am no longer that naive girl, madly in love and willing to do anything for my realtionship. I love Chris and my love for him is deep and I still am committed despite some previous doubts and someone who almost made me leave my bf bc I honeslty thought I was falling for him. But it would never work and I didn't want to break up with Chris. Doesn't matter though bc I am passed that. Yeah, I love Chris but I know some serious changes are needed in this relationship. And in oreder for that to happen, I must first make some changes within myself.

I am so tired of worrying more about pleasing other ppl than myself. I am tired of not doing what I truly want to do bc ppl keep telling me I can't/shouldn't do it. I have parents and "friends" and grandparents telling me what to do and I've got a part of me that's trying to be rational but deep down inside I know exactly what I want to do.
I chose the safe option and ended up working a shitty job that pays shit and my coworkers are a bunch of fucking morons that think they have careers. Okkaayy. Well no more. No more.